You create a baby with love and passion but what are you supposed to do when that is put on the line for your demanding, screaming, Milk craving child who is terrified of being away from you?
Cailyn has always been a great baby but never one for her own crib or cot, unless it’s to play.
She has always co slept and been put back into her bed when she is sound asleep.
However.... this has changed over the past few months. She got a cold and was teething quite bad which made her want to be with us even more. More so myself but refused to be in her cot. The screams are like a painful high pitched sound that rips through your heart. It’s just awful.
The hyperventilating is the worst, no one in their right mind would leave her in that state.
When your trying to have some alone time - which is totally normal, You simply can’t!
There’s days go by when Cailyn is on me so much I can’t have anyone else even talk to me let alone have the energy for a cuddle.
You want left alone, peace, please just for 5 minuets! It takes so much out of you as a mother to be the milk making machine you are, the provider, the cook, the cleaner, the person to hold your diary in place, the one that is to remember everything going on and still remember to brush your own hair.
But what about us? What about the relationship? The closeness we once had? The need for cuddles and attention?
Your both so exhausted at the end of the day that goes out the window. The need for eachother isn’t so much as the need to be there to raise your baby. You’d much rather just eat a bar of chocolate. I can count on one hand how many times we have had “date night” we just don’t!
Since having Cailyn we have been out 3 times. Which was at the beginning of her coming into this world. I get envious when I see people having that time together.
We don’t have anyone in Edinburgh to just pop round while we go to the Cinema or Restaurant - which annoys me as I have always had a massive passion for good food and drinks - it’s in my blood, we can’t even just go for a drive like we used to.
So instead we do things as a family or separate.
We love it all but to have some US time would be incredible!
There’s nights we succeed in parenting by getting her into her cot. Some of these nights are the let’s just sleep and enjoy some bloody space - kids take up the most space ever known to man! FACT.
Then there’s the nice adult nights where you can just be like oh I still really like you - TRUE STORY you forget about eachother and how much you find that person funny or attractive.
Being a parent is hard! It’s so hard that it’s the best thing in the world but the only thing that can make you turn to tears in seconds!
I hope we will get there one day and she will begin to realise it’s ok to sleep without mummy and daddy, that she’s going to be ok and nothing bad will happen if she sleeps on her own. I’ll maybe tel her Santa won’t bring presents but I think every parent comes up with little cheeky ways to get their kids to do as they are told at times and that’s ok to! We all need some space and alone time.
Whatever your circumstance is I hope we will all get there and rock this parenting lark. We all have the perfect moments, the bad times, the shit at parenting moments but most of all we have all done something amazing and that’s making a family. So less beating eachother up and more support!
Cailyn’s Mummy x