When I found out I was pregnant, I thought Wow, Amazing, Omg I cant wait, to then What do I do? What if I’m a bad mum?
All totally normal thoughts I’m sure.
However as my pregnancy progressed I became more and more relaxed and calm about the whole thing. Which, for Chris was great as I’m not really one to get stressed over massive life changing situations.
Excited and Proud to be growing my little girl we let our parents buy things that we needed, we picked up things as we saw them. I was getting obsessed with the fact Cailyn wasn’t going to come out as a girl so I refused to buy much pink - in the beginning.
The nightmares and pregnant dreams really did make me believe I was having a boy.
I got so excited about having a girl as I grew up with all boys, I thought I’d love an army of females to run the roost.
I struggled in the second trimester with stress at work, I used to have a lot of managers Meetings and trips away.
When I had a scare, things changed.
I decided enough was enough and no job or career in the world is more important than my baby.
I cut my hours down to flexi shifts and came off early on maternity. Which was amazing!! I’ve never felt so relaxed and calm.
The house was super clean, meals made for Chris waking the door and all the baby items were prepped and ready for that “just incase” moment.
We even had 2 baby moons as I was needing some love, Que Santorini & Venice.
Spicy food, Castor Oil, Raspberry Leaf Tea and all the Oils under the sun......
I tried them all.
By 38 weeks I was in a lot of pain and couldn’t sleep. All perfectly normal but why is it the last 4 weeks drag? Drag like your meant to endure each inch of pain as a test to see if you can handle it.
The reality of becoming a parent gets more daunting as each day comes in, will it? Won’t it? Nope just another day of trying anything to get this baby moving.
40+2 ...... at 6:50am my waters broke.
(on the toilet) which I was totally ecstatic about as I was beginning to think it would be in public.... nightmare!
Then nothing, literally. I was checked over by the nurses and I was 3cms dilated.
Advised to go home, relax and have a warm bath.
When we returned home I lay in bed and tried to get comfy with a hot water bottle as I felt a little bit cold.
A couple of hours later I went for that warm bath. I seemed to drift off and completely relax, I was in there for about an hour.
At 3:55pm Chris came to check on me as I have a habit of falling asleep in the bath and since I was the only calm one he seemed to be checking me even more than normal.
I thought everything was ok, I was really happy with how my labour was going... or at least I thought that.
After a call with my mum, she was now in panic mode. She asked me how I was feeling, any pains etc and I told her there was a couple of cramps but nothing I had felt was significantly anything to write home about.
Suffering with endometriosis I was used to chronic pain, sharp stabbing crippling pains that were by far no where near what I was feeling now.
Although the cramps were 2 mins apart I didn’t think anything of it untill chris and I noticed some green stuff in the water.(Meconium)
After a call to the hospital we were told to come up straight away.
Well that escalated quickly........
As soon as I stood up out of that bath it hit me like Miley Cyrus on the wrecking ball.
We made it to the hospital, bent over the reception in pain, I drifted off into that space I think all mums go. 3 nurses came and escorted us to this fancy hi tech room with all the best of the best equipment.
Chris was loving this as the joke in the office was he wouldn’t end up with that nice room as they just show it to you to make you think it’s going to be a relaxed affair. Haha
After I was checked over, which took less than a minute, we were told Cailyn was breach. By the time I had my section I was 7cms dilated.
I had a 3 hour labour and was told she was coming now and that was it!
15th December 2016 at 17:55,
Cailyn Georgia Hancock was born via emergency C-Section, 7lbs 1.
She was perfect and most certainly a girl.
She was cut on her leg from them getting her out and now she has this cute white scar that always makes me smile as it takes me right back to that moment each time I see it.
All them worrying moments through pregnancy vanished.
The feeling of overwhelming pride and happiness came over us. I finally after years of battling, had my own little human to love and care for.
It’s quite emotional writing this as in less than 2 Months she will be 1 year old.
Nothing makes us more proud than seeing Cailyn grow, laugh and smile every day.
I may struggle with accepting my mum bod and tummy full of scars but I know that when I look in them beautiful eyes all she sees is her MUMMY and she doesn’t care about my wobbly bits or scars, all she cares about is ME.