I don't really know where to start with this but one things for sure it's good to talk about things you have been through, experienced or you're still going through on a daily basis.
I was diagnosed 5 years ago with Endometriosis, which was thankfully picked up while I was living in the Channel Islands.
Its private health care there so I had the best of the best!
I went on to have 4 more laparoscopies due to the same issues around about the same time of year, each year for 6 years...... A lot of scars, which took me a long time to get used to.
However, due to having all this treatment and things being moved around I was told it would be highly unlikely I'd be able to carry a baby, conceive, yes but I'd have issues and be more likely to miscarry because of the problems I've been going through.
I sadly had two miscarriages, one at 12 in a past relationship and one at 8 weeks with Chris, both resulted in operations causing more scars and more lifetime nerve pain.
I found things to be quite dark after my first, I wasn't sure if being a mummy was ever going to be a thing for me.
I'd get annoyed at people miss treating their kids and wish I had what they did.
The second was completely different as I was now back home in Scotland and living with Chris.
We were really happy and both in a secure situation to bring up a child.
We went for the 8 weeks scan and nothing was found, I felt instantly numb, cold and like all the pain came back, I wanted to scream but I just wanted to know what had gone wrong? where was my baby?
That night I ended up in hospital going for an emergency operation as they thought I had an ectopic pregnancy.
On the 15th December 2015 I had my heart ripped out as I watched Chris go through all this for the first time.
It was standard procedure for me, well that's what I thought anyway as it was never going to be my turn. (or so I thought)
We fell pregnant on the 3rd March 2016.... That mad night away in Argyle for my work must of done it! haha.
I had a few problems during my pregnancy with blood pressure going up and down really fast causing me to feel faint and have funny spells where I was really out of it and sick.
I was signed off work for 3 months with return to work on phase shift pattern for the remainder of my time before maternity leave.
This I was happy about in the end, as it took a scare in London while I was on a managers meeting to make me realise that this baby comes first no matter what!
I gave birth to Cailyn Georgia Hancock at 7:55pm on the 15th December 2016 ...... 1 year to the date that we lost our first.
So not only is my baby girl something extremely close to my heart but she's the spookiest little monkey in my life, clearly we were meant to have her and I'm so overwhelmed by her every day.
She makes me laugh, cry and gives me the most fulfilling feeling I could ever ask for.
She is worth so much more than keeping my job so I resigned from StayCity Edinburgh as Guest Service Manager and continued to be Cailyn's Mummy.
So welcome to the nest chapter ....... X