Self Care

 

Oh self care self care. A delightful thing that's so important that doesn't get nowhere near enough look in as it should! I'm great at looking after everyone else. My family are cared for tremendously if I do say so myself. I'm not very good at self care but I'm getting better even with the simple things like having  a  bath with a bath bomb, doing my nails and taking time to breathe. Basically ..

BE KIND TO MYSELF!

Self Care is SO important to me. Life can get so busy and with young kids some days I get a bit overwhelmed with the noise levels and lack of head space. Be it a bath in peace with candles, going for a workout to get some natural energy, catching up with friends and family. I love a good blow dry, it does wonders for my confidence and a good massage to me is better than a trip to the GP. The days I make time to get a little self care in, I feel I have so much more to give to those who need me the most. If all else fails and 'me time' is limited then I dance around the house with my favourite tunes. Music is great therapy!

“You can’t exhale forever if you don’t inhale.” I heard this in the wonderful book called Braving the wilderness by Brene Brown and I thought it was the perfect way to describe taking time for you. Self care is important. Whatever that is for you. Some days that will be days out with friends, bath on your own with candles, spa weekends, going out for dinner. A glass of wine. Or dessert after dinner. It is whatever brings you back to your centre and calms your mind.

30 WAYS TO PRACTICE

SELF CARE

 

EMOTIONALLY 

1) Turn your favourite song on and play it on repeat.

2) Find a quiet place and meditate.

3) Avoid triggers.

4) Light your favourite candle and enjoy the smells.

5) Slow your breathing.

6) Take a 10 min break from what your doing.

7) Put on fresh comfy clothes, Pj's will do.

8) Spend time with loved ones.

9) Watch your favourite tv show or film.

10) eat energizing, healthy foods, or maybe just eat that bar of chocolate if that's what you really want, make sure its a nice one.

MENTALLY 

11) Read a good book.

12) Learn to draw something.

13) Find a fun DIY activity and complete it.

14) Buy a coloring book and colour away.

15) Turn your phone off and relax.

16) Ask for help when you need help, don't feel ashamed to do so.

17) Stay off social media. You will feel better if you give yourself a break.

18) Read some inspiring or motivational quotes/words.

19) Listen to calming music.

20) Write down your current thoughts and feelings.

PHYSICALLY

21) Get outside for a walk.

22) Learn some new dance moves, or just shake it off!

23) Play with a dog/cat, animals are therapeutic.

24) Take a nice hot bath or shower, use your favourite wash/bath bomb.

25) Visit your favourite coffee shop, order whatever you want or perhaps find a nice new one you've always wanted to go to.

26) Go get a good work out.

27) Curl up and get that much needed nap your body needs.

28) Get that kite out and release your inner child, go and have some fun.

29) Take a hike down an unknown trail.

30) Move your bedroom around, create something you really love.

WHAT'S YOUR

SELF LOVE LANGUAGE?

Affirmation

using your words to build yourself up.

positive self-talk.

Being your biggest cheerleader.

Service

Give yourself what you need when you need it.

serve a higher power.

Take care of your basic needs.

Gifts

Investing in yourself.

Spending money on your hobbies.

Buying yourself little gifts.

Touch

Doing Yoga or other exercise.

Massage & Pampering.

Learning to love your body.

Time

Spending time on the things you love.

Having solitude.

Taking yourself out.

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Self Care - What it means as a Mother

self care to me is a relatively new part of my daily routine but already I'm feeling the benefits. The past year has been my 'annus horribilis' between my private life & suffering from postnatal depression... it's been a long road, I'm over the bump and learning to love myself again.

I am worth it !!! So self care to me is a mixture of making time for counselling, eating properly, light exercise,  using my 'Icancards' and talking about things... it's a journey of self acceptance and no overnight cure. 

For me Self care is all about me and the inner me. How I look after myself? Do I care about myself enough? I should love myself because if I don’t love myself (not in a vain way) how can I love other people. It’s about looking after and guarding your thoughts and being open and bold enough to have courage to talk about what we’re thinking. Self care for me is about self medicating with love.

Tamsin 

@tamsinborman

self care to me is allowing myself time and mental space to learn about me. To give myself this without feeling guilty that I’m not focusing on someone else. I’ve lost the ability to know what it is I’m interested in from becoming a mum at 18. So this year I’m on a mission to give myself the time and space to find out what it is that I like. Something other than being ‘mum’.

Special Guests - Claire & Matt

It's taken me many years to get to the positive mindset I'm in now. I've realised it's not to be everything for everyone, I used to think self care was a bit self indulgent. Especially as I'm a mother to three very demanding sons, however now I've learnt self care is a form of self respect. For me to be happy I've  had to learn to let  go of what's gone and be grateful with what still remains in my life.

I take pleasure in the smallest things, which I used to not ever acknowledge. My favourites are having a hot bath with my fav Jo Malone amber scented candle, indulging in the odd beaut treatments and reading copious amounts of books. I feel at my most content when I'm designing for my fashion brand Panic The Mother.

Babe self love club is the best pace to be!

Self care is not just about food and exercise but about creating time to allow the mind to wander and for most parents is best practiced in the toilet. You have a lockable door, comfy seating, and it's not normally too warm. This is really your time and should be enjoyed. Let the children go in the garden / window box if they're desperate. You take care of you.

Self Care - What it means as a Father

Self care is the first aid rule of take care of yourself (refuel) before trying to help anyone else. On a simple level it's hygiene but it's also refuelling spiritually, emotionally, physically and psychologically. If I didn't take time for myself to refresh then I would be like a man on fire running around trying to help people escape from the smoke.

I think for me, Self Care essentially means; eating well, having tones of hobbies, finding time to relax and having a balanced work/social life but I’m a parent which means all of those things are pretty hard to maintain. Ultimately I believe that it is making sure the people I choose to be around me know how I feel physically and mentally so that I can help myself and get help. With that, I can be the best version of myself for me and my family

It’s taken a while, but I’ve realised self-care as a parent is important. Before fatherhood, I was a gym addict, but with paternity leave over all too soon, I didn't want to be apart from my daughter. Over time I’ve recognised I was the only one applying this pressure and making myself feel guilty to be on hand at all times. In addition to physical benefits of exercise, I see now it also offered a mental release – a chance of me time to unwind

The definition of self care for me has changed since becoming a dad,  maybe I used to confuse self care with self indulgence! Before the kids I would do what I wanted when I wanted and put myself first a lot of the time! I’d go to the gym because it was good for me. These days, since having my two lads, self care is not only for myself but also for them. I still go to the gym when I can, but a lot less now because I’d rather spend my spare time with them.Gym time also doubles up as a nice opportunity to clear the mind and release some stress! I feel now, more than I have before, that it’s important that I look after myself and take care of my body! For me, for my wife and for my kids!

Self care and family care! They go hand in hand.

To me, self-care is anything from the basic fundamentals of life such as ensuring I eat well, socialise and exercise, to tackling larger things that might be impacting my mental health. If I’m struggling with anxieties I find it beneficial to find a solution, such as talking about it or writing things down, rather than burying my head in the sand, as that sand can be worryingly suffocating...

TYPES OF COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS

Overgeneralizing – You see a constant, negative pattern based on one event. “I messed up on the job interview; I’ll never get a job.”

Blaming/Denying – You blame others for your problems or mistakes OR you blame yourself when it wasn’t entirely your fault. “I drink because of my ex-husband.”

Shoulds – You have a rigid code of conduct dictating how you and others should behave. You criticize yourself harshly when you fail to follow these rules. “I never should have dated him.”

All or nothing thinking – You see things as absolutes, no grey areas. “I’m always late.”

Negativity bias – You notice all of the negatives, but fail to notice the positives. “Everything in my life sucks. I’m out of work. My car payment is late. My pants are too tight. My cat peed on the carpet.”

Catastrophizing – You expect the worst. “I was late on the rent. I’m going to be evicted.”

Labeling – You label yourself negatively. “I made a mistake therefore I’m a failure.”

Magical thinking – You think everything will be better when ____ (you’re thinner, smarter, richer, get a new job, etc). “I’ll meet a new guy as soon as I lose 20 lbs.”

Over-personalizing – You make things personal, when they aren’t. You believe other people’s opinions are facts. You think what other people do/say is in reaction to you. “My wife complains about the high car payment. I take this as a criticism that I paid too much.”

Mind reading – You make assumptions about what others are thinking. “I didn’t get the job because I’m too old.”

Double standard – You hold yourself to a higher standard than everyone else. “I’m happy when my boyfriend gets a B, but I expect myself to get straight A’s.”

Fallacy of fairness – You think things should work out according to what you think is fair. “If my boss valued me, he’d give me a raise.”

Emotional reasoning – You think your feelings are reality. “I feel guilty for saying “no”, so I must have been wrong to set that boundary.”

Special Guest - Anna Mathur

Self care to me is less about manicures and long baths, and more about meeting the basic needs first. The hunger, the thirst, the call to rest. In the business of life and family we easily loose touch with the quiet voice of our needs. Self care is about becoming sensitive to that again and grabbing the glass of water or the five minutes of space. t’s about challenging the guilt that acts as a barrier and drowns out this important voice. Then, once we grow to believe we are worth fulfilling these basic needs of ours, then we will be more able to indulge in the treats of the baths and the pretty nails, knowing we are worth taking the time to do something that has no other purpose than to reinvest in and re-energise ourselves.

Cailyns Mummy / Edinburgh Family & Lifestyle Blogger / Edinburgh Parenting Blogger